Thursday, March 30, 2006
this is not for the faint hearts
i'll hurt, but it is the courage i have. sorry
listening to tian kong by derrick, 12.16pm on labby
remember... remember the 30th of march...
haix
*******
to my dear: (i'll talk to u later... just let me write now...)
are we too independent?
too busy with our life?
u dun seems to tell me where u go... you got work at nite? i dunnoe...
maybe i'm not clear again.
we need to communicate. we are lagging... i think
let me know what u are doing... the friends u hang out with?
asked u the 3rd time... then u told me where u are? i felt that i'm bothering u...
what time u'll reach home? give me a time at least?
safely reach home and call me... I'm waiting....
12.22am
*******
to jelena:(will u read this...? may there be faith again)
i may be the past, ya... let me say somethings?
it hurts when everything is over... it hurts that we are not even project mates
i'm sorry, but sorry can't mend a broken heart. we shouldn't have started...
we would have been the closest best friends... i guess not i've always hope
i lost the key u gave me...
just wan to say, i had the most memorable relationship with u...
i miss all the little things we did...
i remembered u today... while listening to fish leongs - si lu.
i can imagine u singing...
12.27am
*******
to yanyin:(just let me type... we are good friends)
on 18th of march... i've received ur call at 10.30am.
i was playing lan with ge5.
i felt that u got things to tell me...
but instead i said i playing... like what i always did now and then.
on 19th of march... my feelings brought me to search for some answers
i concluded that my feelings were true.
a few days later... ur good friend msg me.
"got girlfriend le ar?"
"i was shock that u put her pic, i thought u still waiting for yy?"
*i thought everybody told me to move on with my life? thats what i reply.
then i asked what my feelings told me to
and confirmed my prediction are true from her
just a few days after the conversation with u good friend, u msg me
u said hi, on ur webcam. i turn on mine, it was not clear
then i decided to open the webcam that is meant for u...
u told me that its okay when i was unpacking and installing half way.
i insisted and u waited.
seriously, why did u show me the cam? a guy behind u at 12am in ur hostel?
just to on? to see me? or let me see u?
i tot u want to chat... but u didn't, u let me see things that i dun know wat to think about.
*******
if i would need to marry by force, u are still the one. (i just have to say this...)
but i need to tell u this,
stop bugging me... please... not now,
give me months or years... if we are fated... we will be friends...
i'm having a happy life now. u may think u dun mean it...
but i wan to say, i'm sensitive to thinks around me... my bad pt i guess...
just dun let me cont to think
*******
let me know u are fine, then disappear from my life.
i hope u get wat i mean. if u are a true friend.
*******
to myself:( the lonely and stress brain)
april 9th, rc tss will close down,
i'm jobless i guess, due to the movement of nearly all rc staffs to rx
i'm stress... should i cont to work, give myself a break or find another job?
help me please... need help....
my heart tells me to say sorry to everyone that i may affect
my state of mind tells me to voice out myself
hope u will understand my mood, tone and feelings...
thanks
*******
think back ur life, there are mistakes that can be redone
undone, undo, copy and hopeful cut
now, i will hardcopy the mistakes i made,
clear screen and continue to type a new page with
less mistakes or no mistakes.
*******
dearest, junxian
xiaojunxian typed at 12:14:00 AM